Rev Nathon Q, Dees

My name was the Rev. Nathon Q. Dees Associate Pastor of the First Baptist Church of Sheldon, Texas an alumni of The Abundant Life School of Ministry and a prospective member of the Alliance Christian motorcycle ministry.

Now my I’m just plain old Nathon living on a beach in Jaco, Costa Rica on a US government pension check for being mentally disabled from Schizoaffective Disorder 295.7 as defined by the MSD IV.

I delivered myself from Satanic possession, Demonic oppression, angels, devils, heaven, hell and the church but it cost me everything including my wife, friends and even my country to know and accept the fact that I was mentally I’ll and that everything that I believed was a delusion caused by my illness and perpetuated by the lies of Christianity.

Now that I have traded theology books for psychology and philosophy books it is very clear to me that I was mentally ill even as a small child. When attending Sunday school the concepts and subject mater of Christian doctrine where so surreal that even at that time I was experiencing grandiose delusions of spiritual callings and divine purpose and believed this way until I was introduced to marijuana at the age of 13 and stopped attending church because of the prejudices that now applied toward me. I was unknowingly self medicating as a means to stabilize my illness and since everything I believed was wrong according to the church, for the next eight years I devoted my energies toward using my special powers or gifts to become a rock star and hating Christians.

At the age of twenty I went to an outdoor rock concert and there were some friends of mine that had become born again and had a Christian rock band. When I went backstage to visit them this evangelical guy from a similar heavy metal background was trying to convince me that Satan had possessed my mind and body through heavy metal music and that the voices in my head were demons and I told him he was full of shit, that’s when I had my first full blown audio hallucination and heard the voice of God tell me that I was un-pure and that I was arguing with a child of God. Well being completely freaked out by this experience I of course repented and joined a church the next day. when I explained to the pastors and clergy the background I came from and that even though I had accepted Jesus and believed I was still hearing the voices and the voices told me that Jesus wasn’t real, they all jumped on me and started performing an exorcism and cast the demons out of me. They said that the reason the demons had such a strong hold on me was because of the special calling on my life and that I would need the help of the holy spirit to give me power over the demons, then gave me bible scriptures to back up all crap they were telling me.

Well not wanting to be a pawn of Satan any more and needing an answer for my talents, insight and abilities as well as seeing visions and hearing voices, after all I had been in heavy metal bands and listened to Satanic heavy metal music, I had been wasted and hated Christians for eight years, so it was completely logical. I received the gift of the holy spirit with the evidence of babbling a bunch of psychotic bullshit that doesn’t mean anything and was completely delivered from drugs and alcohol.

Well with this new power, I found that through prayer and meditation in the scriptures and by babbling for hours I could occupy my mind and control the voices in my head or at least discern between the voice of God, the voice of the spirit, my own mind and the voice of Satan. Now I had all the answers, I had super powers beyond that of mere mortals I had become the Apostle Nathon Dees. How could I possibly be wrong? I made strait A’s in seminary, I was a brilliant orator, I was successful, talented and people believed in me because I was called, set apart, recognized by my peers, licensed and ordained to preach the gospel, heal the sick, cast out demons, lead people to the kingdom of God and operate in the gifts of the spirit. I was completely delusional totally schizoaffective and on my way to the funny farm. I existed this way for nearly fifteen years before I was finally diagnose as being mentally ill and woke up from the fairy tail land of Christianity.

About the time of the 9/11 attack I was having problems with my marriage because my wife who is still an un diagnosed Christian psycho thought I didn’t really love her for some reason. Well this must have been the greatest Demonic attack of my life because neither God or the Holy Ghost would defend me in this mater and tell my wife the truth that I would have gladly laid down my own life for her. I was really cracking up over this and the thought of loosing everything when I had done nothing wrong only entered me into the “Holy Job” category which I did not want to be in. During this time of trouble a good friend gave me a joint and told me I had better smoke it and just chill out for a while or I was going to loose it. When I sat in my back yard and smoked a joint, for the first time since I had been saved, I realized that everything in my life was a complete lie and that if I truly believed the things is professed to believe that I was a complete paranoid schizophrenic and that I was no different than the kooks that performed the terror acts of 9/11. My wife, along with my friends and peers in the church said that this was an attack from Satan or attributed it to the pot but I knew clearly by this time that I had wandered out of the God box and I knew too much to ever go back in.

I needed to find out the truth once and for all so in a classic bi polar move I divorced the girl of my dreams ( who didn’t believe I loved her ), closed my business, sold and gave away everything that I had, took my two kids and moved to a beach on the pacific coast of Costa Rica.

Here I would find out once and for all what was real and what was not. During this time period I did a lot of soul searching and inner healing dealing with hating my wife and hating Christians. Still completely delusional undiagnosed and untreated and without religion to protect me from myself I partied my ass off and surfed and swam and tried to come up with a new purpose or plan. After nine months of effort to start a new business and life in Costa Rica everything I had tried fell through for one reason or another, then I suffered another nervous breakdown. I was broke and hopeless and ready to go home. I had a new explanation and mission when I returned to the US, I was still an apostle, but God had called me out of the church because I had been chosen to bring the light of God to non Christians and stand in direct opposition to the false Christian church and their lying doctrines. I went back to the states and started a non profit association and started counseling people with two other pastor friends that had been excommunicated by the church and didn’t agree with mainstream Christianity. During this time I was again completely manic and making all kinds of things happen, I was getting ready to take over the world and willing to die for what I believed was true. I had all of the influences from society in the US, all the churches, all my Christian friends waiting for me to be delivered from Satan again and my beautiful wife whom I loved dearly, speaking in tongues and claiming our marriage in the name of Jesus ( God finally told her that I really loved her ) and praying for me all the time and trying to suck me back into the delusional lies of Christian faith. Well between that, my business, my investments in Costa Rica and my new found anti Christian faith I suffered my final nervous break down to date.

That is when I finally put down my theology books and started studying psychology for an answer, by the time I finished my research I knew for a fact that I was mentally ill and had been the whole time. This was the third time I had went to a doctor for mental and emotional issues but it was the first time that I had educated myself enough to know that science was not the enemy of God and was prepared to accept the diagnoses. Since I had diagnosed myself and I had done a tremendous amount of research on the science of mental illness I was looking for a confirmation, boy did I get one.

Three different mental health professionals concluded that I did in fact have extreme Schizoaffective disorder and that my sixteen year old son had it too. One doctor said that it was unbelievable that I had never been hospitalized for my condition and wanted to know how that I could have survived so long without medical treatment.

“The answer was easy” I told him, I was a right wing charismatic Christian and in fact a pastor involved in demonic deliverance ministry and that all of my hallucinations both audible and visual as well as my emotional problems and mania were perfectly acceptable in Christian doctrine and better yet even validated the gifts of my calling. I had been institutionalized with a lot of other mentally ill people using mid evil psychiatry to explain away our mental and emotional problems and the largest support group of idiots in the world to back me up and a bible to prove it.

By this time I was broke, homeless and trying to decide what was next for me now that I wasn’t an apostle and I had wasted fifteen years of my life in the church when I could have been getting help, counseling and treatment for mental illness instead of running around completely out of my mind fighting demons and talking to angels and promoting this kind of insanity to others. I felt so guilty and ashamed, I felt lied to and molested, I had been diagnosed years before and chose to believe Gods word instead of trained and educated health care professionals.

I was attending psychiatric out patient care at my local HMMR, having both my children screened and counseled while trying to adjust to five kinds of new medications. I was by myself with no support because all my friends and wife refused to believe that I was mentally ill because of the effect that it would have to wards their own beliefs. Every time I passed a church I was angry and every time I heard their unrealistic bible based bullshit I just wished they could accept my illness and start supporting me, but no Christian could ever accept a pastors willing decision to choose Hell and a life separated from God and heaven for a diagnoses of mental Illness.

When I left the church after fifteen years of faith and service to the cross, I was so mentally ill that I applied for some financial aid and after a psychiatric review and an explanation of my former Christian Beliefs, I was given full social security benefits for being completely mentally disabled and no longer able to work or function in society.

I returned to Jaco, Costa Rica where I live in a surfer hostel by the beach and protect myself and my son from the good intentions of others. I stay completely out of contact with the Christian world I once new and segregate myself from the Christian Nation of my home land. In Costa Rica the evangelical movement didn’t really go over and the people did not let the Catholic church mandate the rules of society, so for the most part it is a secular society where Christianity is not shoved down your throat. Now days I’m just a mentally ill person struggling to survive day to day without having to be institutionalized. I smoke pot to stabilize the affects of my illness ( which I can not do in the US ) and try to take my medications, but sometimes they are worse than the illness, I walk up and down on the beach each day and sometimes go to the mountains and just look at the jungle, I have no real future now so I just try to enjoy life and I don’t do much thinking about God or any metaphysical theologies that can induce psychosis. Although I live in paradise I still fight severe depression, anxiety, fear and even thoughts of suicide, but I am no longer tormented by imaginary demons from hell and I’m not killing myself and wasting my life trying to get to heaven.

I’d rather be crazy than Christian:

If you want a savior, save your self. I will be sitting on the beach waiting.

The Rev Nathon Q. Dees AKA Jaco Nate Schizoaffective Disorder 295.7