sent in by "Lilith"

I was raised a Catholic and found that I was seriously questioning the teachings of Christianity and the sect of Catholicism at a very early age. No one could answer my questions with facts, I was supposed to just "believe." I would wrangle over it with my parents who I consider to be wonderful, educated people. They would tell me "most of it's stories, and if you're good you are on the right path." Well, how can people who think like that go to church every Sunday?

I struggled with Catholicism and decided I was an agnostic at age 15. I met a girl when I was 17 and she introduced me to the fire and brimstone of Born Again Christianity. She scared the heck out of me and I tried to believe in the ideology. I finally figured out it was a bunch of scare tactics and definitely not for me.

I have tried other churches in the past: Anglican and Eastern Orthodox. Orthodox really suprised me because they think that women on their periods or who are pregnant are somehow "unclean" and cannot go to communion.


My biggest problem with Christianity is the sexism and how women are manipulated into thinking that it is an inclusive religion. Meanwhile it's god THE FATHER, god THE SON and this ambiguous HOLY SPIRIT who is perceived as a male spirit.

I just think it's hard for people to live day to day and not think that there is something better. I have struggled with it my entire life and sometimes wonder "am I going to go to hell?" I know it sounds crazy but if you were raised Catholic then you would understand.

I would love to believe in something but just can't. I am also tired of being brainwashed into thinking that I am less than a man because I have ovaries and can't bench press 250 lbs.

I've even tried Wicca and other religions but they are as silly to me as Christianity.

I don't hate people who are Christian or religious. I think part of me envies there simplistic lifestyle. Maybe ignorance is truly bliss!


State: PA
Country: USA
Became a Christian: raised as one
Ceased being a Christian: 15
Labels before: The Catholic Church, Born again Christianity, Anglican C hurch, Eastern Orthodox Church
Labels now: agnostic
Why I joined: I was looking for the meaning of life
Why I left: Why did you deconvert? It's confusing and sexist
Email Address: krillykrill at msn dot com