Personal God? and Peace? - Testimonies of Ex-Christians

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Personal God? and Peace?

Posted Sunday, May 02, 2004. —

sent in by Joseph

I've been a Christian and raised that way as far as I can remember... For me, the conflict is whether the Bible is fallacious or inerrant. It was so called the dilemma of "Personal God" that everyone's been bullshitting about that bothered me. If God is "personal" why can't he do anything for me? Why can't he actually talk to me? Christianity always claims to cover up many of its faulty aspects with excuses and this always bothered me. If God does love everyone, why does he let so many die? I see poor, helpless, homeless people suffering so much in the streets and these poignant scenes litereally wet my eyes. Why can't God do anything? If he's really in charge and he exists, why is there no change?

Why must some people be born and never know God? Why do people deserve to burn in hell when God directly and indirectly caused everything? Some say that his will precedes his omnibenevolence, omnipresence, omniscience, and etc, but I think that's another lame excuse Christianity brings. I've been patient with God for the past few months, praying to him to show himself to me because I wanted to praise him and do something for him. It seems that God is either deaf or doesn't exist. He never once answered my prayer... What really irks me even more is how my mother and aunt always say 'Thank God for this' or 'Thank God for that'. One time, in a local scholastic bowl, our team was losing in the first round. however, in the second round, we pulled through and swept everything. My mom and aunt's response was, of course, 'THANK GOD!' This really bothered me. 'Did God just take control of me without my knowing and is that why we won?' No. The questions were already selected for the Bowl night and many of them, which I knew the answer to, came later. This had nothing to do with God. It was really disappointing how these losers were so brain-washed.

I've always been trying to tell myself that I am not brainwashed and never has been, but now that Mr. God in the heaven seems deaf and cannot listen, I am beginning to be convinced that I have been brainwashed my whole life till now and I cannot stick myself to this nonsensical junks and the whole myth of the Cross. Thanks for reading my short testimony.

City: Glendale
State: CA
Country: USA
Became a Christian: Not sure
Ceased being a Christian: 16-17
Labels before: Southern Baptist
Labels now: Deist/agnostic
Why I joined: Because it was the way I was raised and my mom and aunt went bonkers over that stuff
Email Address: apollo_joe at hotmail.com

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