I felt cheated - Testimonies of Ex-Christians

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I felt cheated
.: posted Monday, March 01, 2004 ::: by .:webmaster:. ::: EmailThis! »

sent in by Maria Barnaba

I'm a sixteen' year old girl from Argentina, I stopped believing in religions as a whole about 5 years ago. My father died from lung cancer when I was five. Too young to even understand what was happening it wasn't till I was seven or eight that I fully comprehended that he was gone, and what happened to him. I was still a Christian back then, and I prayed every night for God to bring my father back. I dreamt every night of him being returned to me, descending from the sky.

After a while I gave up hope, I knew he wasn't coming back. I hated god, I remember going to take a shower one time and removing a crucifix I was wearing and just starting crying, yelling at it. Saying "I hate Jesus! I hate Jesus! Why did you take him away!?". My mother who had heard me scolded me telling me not to talk that way about Christ. She said it was not god's fault, god just needed a good angel in heaven, and took my Dad because he had a lot of angel potential. That satisfied me for some time. But doubts were still in my mind.

In the seventh grade (I went to a Catholic School.) I was once holding a Bible walking from my Catholicism class, and realized it meant nothing to me. I looked at the book and it aroused no emotions in me. It was just a heavy book I was forced to carry around after paying 20$ for it. I started then questioning my Catholicism teacher about things I couldn't understand about this religion. I found the responses weak, and lacking of reason and common sense.

Since I was still attending the school, so I had to keep up appearances, and hide my new found conclusions about the religion. I would have changed schools, but it still was a good school (even though the authorities were hypocrite and whatnot) and I was lucky to have a full scholarship to it.

Soon I started to change my views on many matters I used to take for granted. Like homosexuality, premarital sex, lying, sins in general.

I realized how much in the shadows I used to live. How stupid and naive of me to accept things some 2000 year old book told me. People have no liked me asking questions and questioning their faith. But I'm used to people not liking my thoughts, since I'm lucky to have been born with a somewhat above average intelligence, and many time proving my teachers wrong.

It is my opinion that religion is the source of all evil. You just need to look up "Nazi" or "holy crusades" on google to get an idea of what's on my mind.

Sex: Female
State: New York
Country: United States
Became a Christian: 3 months old, when my baptism took place.
Ceased being a Christian: 11
Labels before: Catholic church.
Labels now: None, I have my own faith and beliefs.
Why I joined: It runs in the family.
Why I left: It started because I felt cheated.
Email Address: merybarnaba at yahoo.com.ar

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