sent in by David

I have been posting in the forum under davety227 for about a month and now feel comfortable to post my testimony.

I was baptised as an infant into the Roman Catholic church at the request of my parents. My parents are not overly religious or fanatical in any way, I believe they did it out of tradition more than anything. I then attended a catholic elementary from age six until age fourteen. Although the priests and nuns who taught at this school were very nice, I never really bought into the bible and the concept of Jesus as my savior. I did want to believe, so I tried not to entertain the thought for very long. It wasn't the Christian faith that left a lasting impression on me, it was their views on homosexuals.

You see, I am gay. I grew up believing it is wrong to be gay, a belief I struggled with all through my teenage years. Like the title says, a smooth transition, but that was only for leaving the faith. I was never a religious person, and neither is my family. I always wanted to believe, but when I really reflected on it, I knew I didn't. I always heard the priests talk about allowing Jesus in your heart so I decided to try it. I prayed to God to make me heterosexual. Nothing happened. That was the moment I lost all faith in God.

All the horrible words I had heard spoken about homosexuals stayed with me. I knew I was gay but didn't want to believe it. So a state of denial constantly plagued my mind. This denial forced me into alienation. To make up for this I started using drugs. I discovered the rave scene and finally felt like I belonged. I started using just about every substance available, but my real problem was with cocaine and oxycontin. I soon realized this feeling of comradery came from my substance abuse. Luckily I was able to see the harm that was being done and I stopped using these problem drugs. I also started becoming much more comfortable with who I was.

After the use of chemicals as an escape had ended I was able to look at my life and realize the worth of who I am. I started attending college which brings me to where I am at now. I can now say I am free from religion, free from unhealthy attitudes toward myself, and for once I can say I am happy, and mean it.



City: Glassboro
State: NJ
Country: USA
Became a Christian: I was baptised as an infant
Labels before: Catholic
Labels now: Atheist