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Pi: 3.1415926535897932384626433832795…
.: posted 5/09/2008 ::: webmdave
::: 
My childhood was a fairly typical one as far as growing up goes. My parents were hard working middle class folks who weren’t particularly religious. For a time, we did attend an Anglican church where I was able to dress up as a camel for the Christmas pageant or go to the annual church picnic for lots of candy and games. My parents told me that when I was confirmed into the church, I was old enough to decide for myself if I wanted to keep going or not. I looked forward to my Confirmation with glee, knowing I could finally sleep in on Sunday mornings and never go to stupid, boring church again. And that’s what I did.
Then, a few years later, I went to University to study theater arts (I wanted to be a movie star at the time lol). When I got there I started to have a lot of fun doing drugs, dating girls and partying as hard as I could. One of my friends there was a Christian, and he enjoyed partying as much as I did. We became very good friends and ended up as roommates. We quickly earned the reputation of being the crazy dudes who liked to have a lot of fun – and we did.
But of course, his Christianity came up here and there and I began to read the bible a bit, and we would get stoned and have long conversations on god and the meaning of life. To make a long story short, one day I woke up and had a god experience. I felt that god was telling me to stop what I was doing and start to live a godly life. So I went on a truth crusade and basically abandoned all my friends (except my Christian friend) and started over from scratch. I started going to a Pentecostal church in my neighborhood (because they served free food to starving students) and I got a job at a Christian organization. I also got engaged to my friend’s ex-girlfriend (another long story) and almost overnight I was living a very fulfilling charismatic Christian life.
Of course I went nuts buying bibles for my family and telling them they were going to hell if they didn’t repent like me. I got very involved in the “Drama Ministry” at church and basically was engulfed in the Christian life with absolutely no non-Christian friends at all. I got married and my wife and I were happy little Christians living to please God in all that we did.
This went on for ten years. We have moved twice since attending that church (Pentecostal) and have been active members in two other churches, one being a Christian Missionary Alliance and the most recent being Christian Reformed. We both taught the Alpha bible study program and we both lead small groups. We attended retreats, we were baptized publicly (full immersion and in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Smoke), and we both received the gift of tongues. We were avid prayer group attendees, we helped out around the church with odd jobs, and we loved our friends there. I was very much into studying the word of god and I particularly loved Christian history and the early church fathers.
I listened to Hank Haanegraf, Charles Stanley, Ravi Zacharias and a slew of others. I was very much against the prosperity teachings of Kenneth Copeland, Joyce Meyers, Creflo Dollar and the doofus – Benny Hinn (although I did have friends who loved these guys). I was, for all intents and purposes, a Christian Apologist who was eager to tell the world how to get to heaven. My big frustration in life was that I had never “saved” anyone.
Then one day, last October (2007), I was on a forum that discussed god vs. everything else. Being the smart godly dude that I was, I enjoyed ranting about the sinful nature of man and the righteousness of the church. I read a post that talked about the bible and the value of Pi. I was intrigued and so I immediately looked up the passage. It was there in 1 Kings 7:23 that my life changed forever.
“23Now he made the sea of cast metal ten cubits from brim to brim, circular in form, and its height was five cubits, and thirty cubits in circumference. “ (NASB).
When I read it, I felt like there was a glass bubble that surrounded my brain and in an instant, the bubble was shattered into a million pieces. I was literally dumbfounded. I had found an error in the holy, perfect, inerrant word of god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In that instant, every argument I had ever had for the reality, perfection and truthfulness of god’s word was destroyed. God made a mistake. Not just a minor spelling mistake or textual mistranslation. This was MAJOR! God’s word said that Pi 3!!??!!.
For anyone who is interested, here is a link that explains Pi:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pi
The value of Pi is approximately 3.1415926535897932384626433832795…on to infinity. It is an irrational number and mathematicians are still to this day calculating its size – so far it’s decimal translation has never repeated itself.
Once the bubble had burst, my eyes were finally opened. “Something like scales fell from my eyes!”
I began to study all about the errors in the bible (which there are MANYMANYMANY!!!). I could not believe how stupid and foolish I was to have believed all this crap, not knowing it was all a lie! How many debates did I have with non-Christians (who I now call humans) about the smallest detail of Christ’s ministry? AARRRRGGHHHHHH!!!!. For the first week I was in utter shock. I told no one – not even my beautiful god-fearing wife. We had a 4 year old and one on the way. My wife was actually 7 months pregnant at the time. How could I tell her??? I would drive past churches and give them the finger and curse at their stupidity. I would curse myself for being such an idiot, and then I would laugh out loud at my new found freedom. I was FREE! Free from dogma. Free from the law. Free from grace. Free from HELL and free from Heaven! Free from ever feeling guilty for thinking a bad thought ever again! Free from having to convince my family that Jesus was the only way to heaven. Free from giving away 10% of my income every week! And most of all, I was free to sleep in on Sunday for the rest of my life!
I was going to wait till after the baby was born and after Christmas to tell my wife that she was now unequally yoked to a godless heathen, but my gut was in knots and my head was dizzy with all the “shock and awe” I was experiencing. So about two weeks later, I sat her down to have a bible study. In that study I went through ten pages of errors, inconsistencies and false prophesies in the bible to show her that it was not the inerrant word of god, but a human book that borrowed and stole bits and pieces of other cultures and their gods. At the end of the study, she thought I was insane and told me I needed to see a psychiatrist. Again, I really suck at convincing people to believe the same things I believe.
Over the course of the next two weeks, she began to study the bible on her own and really ask the hard questions. She had a lengthy discourse with a pastor friend of ours and was not getting the answers she was looking for. In the end, she came to the realization that the bible wasn’t 100% true and that Jesus was not god. Our marriage was saved, which is a good thing because I really love her and our children.
So I called my pastor to tell him that I could no longer direct the Christmas play or lead the drama ministry or lead small group, or believe in anything the bible had to say. We met to have a face to face talk, and I explained very honestly what happened. He was pretty much speechless. He had some words of advice, prayed for me and made plans to meet again. I have not heard from him since, and we have not been back to church since. We still talk to friends who go there and have no animosity towards anyone.
I am now free from the indoctrination of the bible, the dogmas and religious head games it plays, and above all the utter foolishness that the Christian bible teaches. I love my family more than ever, and I have a new found love for the human race that I had previously condemned to hell in the name of Jesus. I am truly free. And the value of Pi is NOT 3!
Do you miss yourself?
.: posted 5/02/2008 ::: webmdave
:::
Do you miss yourself?
When I hear a question such as this, I recoil in disappointment; I sigh with disgust. It is posed in such a way as if to assume that the person being asked about is no longer authentic, real, or are somehow empty.
It's condescending, presumptuous and I find it downright rude.
"Do you miss yourself?" has been asked of me in various forms since my journey outside the realm of religion and faith began, just over a year ago. Due to my lack of certainty (and the lack of evidence), I have officially de-converted from Christianity. Since then, questions have been raised about the validity of my reasoning and in turn, my very self.
Don't you miss who you used to be?
I am not surprised by these questions, knowing full well the world in which I used to live is constructed of persons who are taught to hold each other accountable for a myriad of things: actions, tastes in music, emotions, sexual preferences, interpretations of scripture... and doubts.
While I understand the questioners intent (after all I was guilty of the same), what I find so unappealing is the question itself, (don't even get me started on "Ex-Christians, how can there be such a thing?"). These really aren't genuine questions after all, for a genuine question is not asked with the answer already implied.
All that said, I have decided to respond to this rhetorical nonsense in hopes of demonstrating how “myself” is really much better off having left it's delusions behind and how I really don't miss "that self" at all.
Do you miss that self?
No, I do not miss "that self."
I do not miss the mind numbingly absurd reality “that self” lived in, the plateau at which that self's intelligence was set, the circular condemnation and double think “that self” endured on a daily basis.
No, I do not miss that self.
I do not miss feeling like that self was something bad and that that self could do no good without a supreme deity to guide the way, I do not miss that self second guessing every action, every relationship, every idea,
I do not miss that self.
No, I do not miss that self's lack of responsibility for the earth, that self’s desire for the world to be destroyed and for its people to be condemned, that self’s superiority, naivety and idealism.
I do not miss that self.
I do not miss that self’s conversations with the ceiling, that self’s weight of the worlds salvation, that self’s conscious dismissal of science, that self’s ala cart projection of the Bible, that self’s silver platter consumption of truth from the pulpit.
No, I do not miss that self.
My self rejoices in reality and embraces humanity.
“That self” can go fuck itself.
One year as a Christian was enough
.: posted 4/29/2008 ::: webmdave
:::
Ironically, I became a christian due to mental problems, which lead to a psychosis.
I guess an ideal Christian is a eunuch (you remember those parts about them in the bible, don't you?), who had a lobotomy so he has no sinful wishes or blasphemous thoughts.
Well, from that point of view year of taking neuroleptics was very useful. My doubts grew over time, but the moment,when I stopped considering myself a Christian was when I read about God killing 70,000 innocent people because David ordered a census of the people (1 Chronicles 21) .
The book of Job is also pretty stupid. God has a bet with devil that no matter what happens Job will remain loyal to him. To check it out he lets devil kill all Job's slaves and children and "smote Job with sore boils from the sole of his foot unto his crown." Another nice Christian story.
Also,I was a member of Messianic community, where pastor was very serious about the "don't ignore the OT" stuff. Surely,Jesus didn't cancel the OT, but doesn't that mean,that they should not only obey the "what to eat" stuff and sabbath, but also,for example,stone to death those,who don't? I wonder...
Being a christian I had to feel guilt about anything that's related to sexual desire and to believe, that many people are going to be sent to a "lake of fire" by a "god, who loves them," because they've done something wrong. (George Carlin made great fun of this crap in his "Religion is bullshit" act. You can check it out on YouTube).
Sure makes you feel kinda uncomfortable. Now I feel like I should apologise to my friend-atheist, whom I tried to "save." Or just don't mention it.
Also, my cultural desires are pretty non-Christian. My favorite authors are Camus, Nietzsche and Bertrand Russell, nevertheless I do admire Kierkegaard and a few other religious authors. Music I like is also often pretty blasphemous (industrial,dark-folk e.t.c. ).
Talking about the Christians I got to meet: at their best,they are good tempered, at their worst...
Well, in our community we had a prayer before the begining of the show, they (80-90 % in the community were rather old women) used to form a small circle, aim their hands to the centre (sorry, I just don't know how to say it in English) and try to summon Jesus or Adonai or something. It was sometimes followed by hysterical screams like "We need you, Lord! You promised, Lord!" e.t.c. The "I know the absolute truth" and "you are going to hell,if you do not repent" types of christians are very annoying.
Anyway, I didn't notice any Holy Ghost's killing any "old men." Well, maybe this bullshit IS killing the old men who attend the services, but I am not sure.
Thank you for your attention and sorry for my poor English.
City: Riga
Country: Latvia
Became a Christian: April 2007
Ceased being a Christian: April 2008
Labels before: Jewdo-christian
Labels now: Agnostic
Why I joined: I needed a crutch
Why I left: Don't need it anymore,besides,I HAVE read the Bible
My seed of doubt
.: posted 4/25/2008 ::: webmdave
:::
I was sitting with my pastor at the seminary I was attending for development in Christianity program, and we were talking about one of the finer points in Calvinistic dogma, that being predestination. This was the moment, after 20 years of Christian living, that would instill the mustard seed of doubt into my mind, which would eventually lead to my leaving of Church, of the faith, and eventually any notion of God.
I was raised in a Christian home, by Christian parents. I was taught all of the same teachings that every Christian has heard thousands upon thousands of times. I was pulled out of secular middle school to be home schooled with a Christian curriculum. I had science classes that taught against evolution. I had writing classes with exercises that were always Christianized in theme. I had math classes that had me adding and subtracting problems, with Bible verses on the sides of the page.
I went to Church every Sunday. And youth group every Tuesday. And I had Bible study every Wednesday. And in high school I led a Bible study with jr. High students every Thursday night. I lived and loved in the Church. It was, completely and wholly, my life. My doubts were brief, my emotions high, and I remember praying every night before bed...begging God not to judge me for the sins I still committed against him.
But here I was, 20 years old, at a seminary...never having anything that could be called "a crisis of faith" up until this point, and here speaking to my pastor...I could not accept the idea of God punishing people.
The idea of hell had always bothered me. Why had Jesus died for the sins of the whole world, yet only Christians got into heaven? Why would a god that ultimately is supposed to love us as we are created in his image...why would he throw us into hell? Why would that place even exist? The old phrase, "why do bad things happen to good people?" but on a larger and more eternal playing field.
And with the idea of predestination, came the idea that I made no life choices. I had no free will. While the belief in predestination is not one the whole of Christianity, or even a majority of it, accept as fact...the point was still hitting me on a daily basis at this point that I had no free will. God was so big and powerful that his plan was formed and written millions of years ago (figuratively), and there was nothing I could do to change anything.
My life suddenly felt dark and empty. My pastor even told me that I never accepted Jesus into my life. I was so dead in sin, that Jesus chose to save me. The pivotal moment in my life as a Christian...and it didn't even matter. I had done nothing. And it made me question, why go out and mission to people, when they are already chosen? If God made his mind up at the beginning, why should I try and save anyone?
That was my seed of doubt.
Then college came. I lived in the dorm my first year away for college, and my roommate was chosen randomly. He was, as it turned out, a former Christian who now studied philosophy. Over the course of the year me and him had many discussions about the way of life, the way things used to feel for us as Christians, and my doubt in the faith began to grow the more I read on things in the field of science. Things I had never learned in high school. I was taught about the lies in evolution, and now I was finding out that it was actually my book that had been lying. I learned about philosophy. I learned more about art. And every night I would talk to my roommate, and he would continue to answer my questions about things away from faith.
The last night of my Christian life, the last time I would identify myself as a Christian, I asked Robbie, my roommate, if he thought he was still happy without God in his life. I was so scared that I was going to be lonely and miserable without Him. I thought without Church, and Christ I was going to live a sad life.
Robbie didn't even answer with words. He just sat there and smiled. And that smile warmed me more than the smile of any pastor I had heard or seen in my life. It was a smile of comfort in life, with no mysticism. A life of just...life. No afterlife to worry about, no sins to atone for.
I was 20 years old, and I in that moment in my dorm, I stopped calling myself a Christian. It took me another year before I could fully stop believing in any version of a god, and a year after that until I could argue my points with all the friends I had that were Christians. And most of them still are, sadly.
I am 25 now, and I am more happy now than I ever was as a Christian. I don't have this huge guilt that I am a bad person hanging over my head. I don't constantly feel like I am this evil creature. I don't go about my life worrying about heaven or hell, but just the only life I have in front of me. Now, in addition to grad school and work, I work with people in my own community to help others escape from Christianity in the heart of the belt buckle.
I cannot believe how long it took me to get out, but I am thankful that I have the rest of my life to help others try and get out earlier. You don't have to live a lie. You don't have to live a life away from science and facts, from true enlightenment. You can be free to accept the world as a flawed place, and work on making this world, this earth a better place, rather than just hoping for a good afterlife.
There is hope, after faith.
