It seems you had an emotionally cleansing, realistic experience at eleven. You once believed in God and fellowshipped with him, but then was disillusioned with the churches, because they didn't follow the Bible, which seemed inconsistent. Here are some thoughts, looking at other sides.

I have heard from "secular" sources that of many surviving historical documents, the Bible is quite accurate. The possiblity of obtaining this document written from so many viewpoints, but agreeing on so much is very slim. Differences appear to be in nonimportant parts of the Bible, or taken out of context. Your example, for instance I've heard Judas bought a field, hanged himself in it, and when they cut him down, he burst open. So it could truthfully be said that he hanged himself, and it could also be truthfully said that he bought a field and fell headlong into it. I've heard explanations for nearly every difference in the Bible.
You appear to have become more and more disillusioned with the church. My mother gave advice whenever I was disillusioned as a child, telling me not to put my hope in people, for people will always fail, only God will stay faithful. She would also tell me I can't find satisfaction this side of heaven, and I can't put standards of perfection on myself or on others.

My father was married, had a daughter, divorced, married my mother and had my brother and me. When I asked my mother about the scriptures on adultery, she answered yes, my father and she committed sin, but sin is not unforgivable, and she and my father were forgiven. I found that answer completely satisfactory.
One more thing. When searching for guidance, you looked to the church, the pastors, and the Bible. But you never, at least in your written testimony, expressed that you had brought your anguish and searching before God, and left it for him to answer.

These are things to think about. But I challenge you, to act on whatever speaks to you. Life comes only once.

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