By Liniasmax

Please someone, lend me an ear

And I’ll tell you what I hear.

It seems that we get misunderstood because many people are formulating what they’re going to say before they even hear what’s being said, or just out-right denying it. It’s like “peas porridge micro-waved won’t grow mold.” I believe that we got some minds under erasure, to borrow from the postmodern folks that aren’t so post anymore. I like Truth with a capital T, but it can’t be found in the books. But no one listens to me. I’ll try and explain…

I say (Me): I was a believer washed in the blood of the Lamb for 33 years and for 12 of them I was devout, with what I felt was a uniquely spiritual/intellectual foundation: solid baby…impermeable.

Christian response (C-dude): No you weren’t.

Me: In college, I got baptized in a lake and then got baptized in the Spirit. I prayed in tongues. Why once, I jumped up in church, spoke as the spirit led – and 10 people ran to the altar under conviction.

C-dude: No you didn’t.

Me: I backslid a lot…

C-dude: Hmmm…

Me: … but was restored to fellowship with God.

C-dude: No you weren’t.

Me: I prayed a lot, using Scripture, petitions, intercessions and the Holy Spirit to intercede with His signature, sub-level moaning (see the epistle to the Romans).

C-dude: No you didn’t.

Me: I eventually left the Charismania roller coaster for a simpler lazy atheism.

C-dude: No you didn’t.

Me: In 1995, I had an existential crisis. I came back to the faith, embracing the rock-solid Reformed doctrine once and for all delivered to the saints. I traded dispensationalism for the intellectually stimulating partial-preterist, post-mil position (heck, my friend, we can at least prove that Nero existed and did something bad). In short, I pleaded predestination, so I could get justification (through grace by faith alone) to in turn kick-start my sanctification leading to my ultimate glorification.

C-dude: No you didn’t.

Me: As a grad student I actually challenged my Dept. Head when he said the Bible was myth. Many fellow students felt I won. Hey, I defended the faith!

C-dude: No you didn’t.

Me: I’ve had the privilege (or so I thought) to lead people to Christ in 3 different languages. I’ve had a student ministry, adult ministry, children’s ministry and music ministry.

C-dude: No you haven’t.

Me: My lovely wife and I home-school our children and the decision was based on our Christian worldview.

C-dude: No you don’t and no it wasn’t.

Me: But, in total spite of the resulting inner turmoil and emotional agony caused by considering my faith and the existence of God, I found the intellectual hopscotch was no longer possible (it was dissonant, C-dude). I left the faith for strictly rational, well-researched, and thought out reasons.

C-dude: No you didn’t.

Me: My doubt and grief have turned to certainty and joy.

C-dude: No they haven’t.

Me: Wait a minute… I love my wife.

C-dude: No you don’t.

Me: I have a lawn mower.

C-dude: No you don’t.

Me: Ok, C-dude, I hate to burst your bubble, but your Christianity is not a relationship. It’s like this code with steps and guidelines, dare I say, rules – and even rewards for “good” and punishment for “evil.” So sorry dude, but it’s a religion.

C-dude: No it isn’t.

Me: Dude… you listen very well!!!!

C-dude: No I don’t

Me; I’m outta here. But one more thing. I never needed the threat of eternal damnation to love my wife and kids. Now that’s a real relationship!

C-dude: No it isn’t.

Me: There has to be a tunnel at the end of that light.

C-dude: Nope