.: posted 8/10/2006 ::: by webmdave :::   

 Anonymous wrote:

Very funny. I'd like to see more comedy like this about the utterly ridiculous stories in the bible.

posted: August 10, 2006 EST  

 Anonymous wrote:

Holy cow, this guy's brilliant. Is he playing in the states anytime soon?

Naomi

posted: August 10, 2006 EST  

 Lorena wrote:

"He created the heavens and the earth ... in the dark. Brilliant!"

I have to say: I would pay a lot of money to hear this guy in person.

posted: August 10, 2006 EST  

 h3lix wrote:

I've heard this guy on FTR, very funny.

This flash file really needs a preloader. I've yet to see anything.

posted: August 10, 2006 EST  

 Deamond wrote:

I've noticed that brittish people seem to be a bit bore ballsy than most people regarding making fun of religion.

Personally, I don't really have the guts to wear a T-shit that says, "Come the rapture, can I have your car?"

posted: August 10, 2006 EST  

 barb wrote:

deamond,

I have a button (to wear, but I display it on my kitchen curtain) that has a picture of jesus (bearded, robed) and the caption, "jesus is coming: look busy." Cracks me up.

posted: August 10, 2006 EST  

 Deamond wrote:

Picture this, a house with allot of various pets; fish birds dogs, cats, etc. One mother and two little toddlers (Twins, a buy and a girl)

The mother places two bottles on the coffee table, one poison, the other the antidote.

The mother, to "test" her children, who are so young and innocent (i.e. stupid) that they'lll believe anything you tell 'em, tells them not to drink the poison, but doesn't draw their attention to the antidote.

The mother then hides behind a curtain.

For a little while nothing happens, but then, still behind the curtain, the mother gets her mibile and calls their uncle Snake, a serial killer and pedeophile, given a reduced centense because they couldn't find the bodies, and the mother is well aware of this because she paid his bail. And she hires him as a babysitter and also tell him abouit the poison.

He comes over, and tells the girl that the bottle is actually chocolat. (It is actually chocolate milk and rat poison)She tastes it, and purely out of unselfishness, tells her brother (if she were selfish, she would've kept it for herself).

Then the mother comes out from behind the curtain and acts suprised. She doesn't give them the antidote, instead, she makes the boy do chores day-in day out untill colledge, she tells the girl that she has to be his brother's slave and the mother also kicks the girl in the stomach every day untill colledge, and she also decided to let all the pets out of their cages but stup feeding them so that they have to eat eachother.

The twins say that it was Snake's fault, so the mother says, "Oh, alright." And she whips out a gun and shoots Snake in the kneecap.

And for these reasons, your honour, I submit that my client should have exclusive custody of his children.

posted: August 10, 2006 EST  

 jim earl wrote:

I'm still scratching my head over that last post.
Anyway, I have a magnet on my fridge that states: Yes, I found religion. I found it to be completely worthless. I also have a t-shirt that has the message about there are no gods, no devils, no angels, only our natural world. (etc.) I don't wear it out in public often but did wear it to Lowes last week here in South Carolina and no one noticed it. At least no one commented on it.
I can't watch the video either but will search the internet for this guy. Thanks for sharing it.

posted: August 11, 2006 EST  

 Anonymous wrote:

What a foolish ignorant man, I hope learns better before he meets his maker!

William

posted: August 11, 2006 EST  

 boomSLANG wrote:

Anonymous/William said: "What a foolish ignorant man, I hope learns better before he meets his maker!"

His maker?....oh, you mean his mom and dad? Yeah, I'm pretty sure they've crossed paths. lol. Dork.

posted: August 11, 2006 EST  

 Lorena wrote:

Hey William,

You should have paid attention to the video; you may have learned a thing or two.

Ah! I almost forgot. You already know it all. You don't need to learn anything. Forgive my stupidity.

posted: August 11, 2006 EST  

 Ole Blue The Heretic wrote:

Brilliant. I do not see how people believe the bible as truth.

posted: August 11, 2006 EST  

 Anonymous wrote:

Hasn't anyone heard of Ricky Gervais? He's hilarious. Check out his show on the BBC called the Office. http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/

Don't confuse this with the version that was created for American audiences on NBC (http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/) which was also produced by Ricky Gervais.

Personally, I don't think the American version is any good. The original is much much better. Why do TV executives think they need to change something for american audiences?

posted: August 11, 2006 EST  

 Deamond wrote:

"Anonymous wrote:

What a foolish ignorant man, I hope learns better before he meets his maker!

William "

Oh Anonymous/william, what a foot I have been!

Why, how could I have missed that? Critical analysis vs name-calling. Why, what logic you have shown us! How could we not have seen that logic, reason, evidence and thought are a complete waste of time when we have name-calling? You could have, as is my oun habbit, scruitinized everything he said point-by-point, thus giving us a detailed and thought out criticism. Now I see the value of name-calling.

Besides, I already have met my makers, they are known to me as "Mum" and "Dad".

Dickhead.

posted: August 12, 2006 EST  

 Deamond wrote:

Jim Earl,

Well, it's basically simillar to "kissing hank's ass" in that it's using mortal human metaphores for divine myths but adresses the same basic questions.

The mother's god, the animals are animals, the bottles are the trees, the uncle is the devil, and the fact that the mother was well aware of the uncle's previous crimes was meant to be a reminder that God was omniscent and, therefore, knew EXACTLY what was going to happen yetdid nothing to stop it. Hell he ARRANGED it!

Notice that, intentionally, I never actually said that the mother (God) was insane or explained why she did all that insane stuff to her oun children. The reader was suposed to draw that conclusin for him/herself. It was, instead, meant to sugest that "you call THIS loving? You call this SANE?"

Christians sometimes compare God sending people to hell to a parent punishing their chldren. Thus, this metaphore.

The last paragraph was meant to be both a joke and the point. It was meant to put the question to the reader, "Does this woman even deserve children?" but not in a preechy way, so I made it a devource hearing, making the reader the judge.

posted: August 12, 2006 EST  

 Anonymous wrote:

I found Jesus on vacation the other day, he was in a wax museum in Kentucky.

posted: August 14, 2006 EST  

 PurpleJesus wrote:

I find this halarious..

btw... what's the problem with the divorce analogy?? I got the reference... but then again, my parents didn't force me to attend church.

huh? How many people would attend church if they wern't forced to attend as childern? Sounds like good christian parents are guilty of child abuse... wonder if we can make that a reality??

-purplejesus... no affiliation with any soul ripping agency.

posted: August 14, 2006 EST  

 SwissMiss wrote:

If you like this sort of thing, then may I recommend the fabulous Eddie Izzard, and particularly the Circle tour that he did. If you see me post on the forum here you'll notice that's where I've got my sig from. Personally, I think he's better than Ricky Gervais, Eddie's a bit more humanitarian which I really appreciate.

The full extract from my sig (which I had to edit to make it fit is:

Jesus: Then I did the last supper and I gave them some wine and I said drink this wine, it is my blood!

GOD: You said WHAT?

Jesus: I said: "Drink this wine it is my blood". I was trying to make a ceremony.

GOD: But that's vampirism, a vampiric thing: "Drink my blood!" You've got pagan things right there on day one of the new religion!

Jesus: Oh! Sorry!

GOD: Why didn't you just say, "Drink this wine, it's a Merlot"?

Jesus: Oh, yeah!

GOD: Did you say anything else?

Jesus: Well, what do you mean?

GOD: Well, after you said the wine thing, did you say anything that might have screwed things up for ever and ever?

Jesus: [sheepishly] No.

GOD: Nothing at all?

Jesus: [sheepishly] No.

GOD: Nothing about bread?

Jesus: [sheepishly] Yes.

GOD: What did you say?

Jesus: Well, I said eat this bread... it is... my... favourite! Because it was hot and it had all the crinkly bits in it and I loved it and...! Alright, I said it was my body, okay!

GOD: That's cannibalism! You have got vampirism and cannibalism right at the beginning, oh, and you died on Easter the biggest pagan ceremony in the history of ever! You're going to celebrate your death in a different time each year depending where the moon is, for God's sake! If they don't work out that's pagan I'll just eat my hat!

Jesus: Dad, don't worry! No one's going to work it out for 2000 years until a transvestite points it out in New York.

GOD: Oh, alright.

Jesus: Well, what would you have done?

GOD: I'd have done cheese and wine! Cheese and wine goes together better. "Eat this cheese, it is my body!"

Jesus: But it's Judea, Dad, cheese melts!

GOD: Alright, eat this cheese, it is my central nervous system, alright! Alright, alright, eat these chicken drumsticks, they are my legs! Eat these carrots, they are my arms! Eat this tomato, it is my head! And eat these oysters, they are my kneecaps!

Jesus: If you do that, Dad, your holy communion is going to have priests going around with lots of trays going, "Who ordered the body of Christ, then?"

Priceless!!

posted: August 14, 2006 EST  

 Deamond wrote:

PURPLEjESUS,

I agree. I was never forced to go to church. Mum's basically a non-practicing catholic and Dad's excomunicated because he's a freemason. I think i only ever went to church once, we were invited, and I don't really remember it.



I remember hearing in one of the Simpsons episode comentaries "Homer the heretic" that one of the writers no longer goes to church BECAUSE he was always forced to go early as a kid every sunday.


The closest think I had to church was "Religious Education". Simetimes it was just this lady telling us stuff, and sometimes she made us watch cartoons. But when I was a kid I always questioned everything, so as soon as I found out about the contradictions between what she told us and what the Melbourne Museum told me, it was inevitable that I eventually became an Atheist.

posted: August 15, 2006 EST  

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