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The Christian and the Bear

.: posted 6/03/2003 ::: by webmdave :::

T. Simmons, one of our regular posters, sent in a nice little story to be posted here for our mutual edification. It is based on the "Atheist and the Bear" joke which is posted below, followed by Mr. Simmon's reworking of the subject.

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "Accident of Evolution" had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself.

As he was walking along the river he heard rustling in the bushes. As he turned, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in. He tried to run faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically as he tried to run faster, but he tripped and fell. He rolled over to pick himself up and saw the bear right on top of him raising his paw to kill him.

At that instant he cried out "Oh my God!"

Just then, time stopped. The bear froze, the forest was silent, the river even stopped. A bright light shone on the man, and a voice came out of the sky saying, "You deny my existence all these years, teach others I don't exist and credit my creation to a cosmic accident, and now you expect me to help you out of this predicament?

Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist, ever proud, looked to the light and said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but could you make the bear a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice. As the light went out, the river ran, and the sounds of the forest continued, the bear put his paw down. The bear then brought both paws together, bowed his head and said, "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I thank you."

The Christian and the Bear

One fair spring morning, a devout Christian decided to take a walk through a nearby wood. Upon entering, he began walking along a narrow dirt path through the lush, green forest admiring all of the things that God had created.

"Wow", he thought to himself while taking in the beauty that surrounded him. "What majestic trees!” Then, a faint rustling sound came from somewhere close by. The Christian turned to look but could see nothing and continued walking. His eyes followed a small stream that flowed beside the path. “What a lovely little stream!”, he thought and off to the left, the rustling sound grew louder. The Christian walked a bit faster down the path. Looking up, the Christian said out loud, “What a beautiful sky. God is indeed a very wonderful creator!" Suddenly, a huge grizzly bear emerged from the dense shrubbery and upon seeing the man, started to chase him. The Christian ran along the path for all he was worth, but the bear was almost upon him. The Christian looked back over his shoulder and saw that the bear was only a few yards behind him. The man then tripped over a large rock and fell to the ground beside a small wooden sign attached to a post. The bear, having slowed its pace, lumbered up to the Christian and began to sniff his clothing. The man, laying face down, closed his eyes and prayed in desperation "Heavenly Father, I ask you to please save me from this bear!"

As the Christian continued to beseech God, the grizzly let out a ferocious roar and ripped four deep gashes across the man’s back. The Christian screamed in agony while the bear continued tearing and ripping him into bloody shreds of warm flesh. The man, while still being mauled, reached out a feeble hand and touched the signpost just before losing consciousness.

When the bear had eaten all it could, it lumbered off in the direction from which it came, leaving the Christian's remains to decompose and rot.

Inscribed upon the sign were these words:

Matthew 21:22 - "And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."

The End

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