^{Heaven's Gate Press}
Bible God installed Teddy Roosevelt as HIS new public affairs officer. Rumor has it that Yahweh has come under some criticism for past atrocities and is in need of a new image. "I was watching the movie "Monsters.Inc" and it occurred to me that I could be cute too!" said Jesus' Father in a public release statement. "I want young people everywhere to forget all about my terrible wrath and just think of ME as their own personal cuddle friend." stated the vengeful deity.

Rumors about an eternal "Lake of Fire" being stoked for anyone who resists cuddling with the Omniscient One continue to plague the efforts of Mr. Roosevelt. Mr. Roosevelt realizing what a big job he was about to undertake, reportedly solicited the assistance in his efforts of none other than Joseph Goebbels. Mr. Goebbels laughed when questioned and said, "Ah Yes, I had my hands full too as I tried to reshape the public image of another famous dictator. I am sure I can offer some sound and experienced advise."

^{First ad campaign was launched over East 3rd Street in Dayton Ohio Monday.}Time will tell how effective this collaboration between the staunchly Reformed Christian Politician Roosevelt and the Devoted Catholic Propagandist Goebbels are in remaking this infamously jealous Creator. Besides overcoming their denominational differences, the huge task of reinterpreting Bible God's heinous history, preserved in the native language of nearly every people group on Earth will present a major obstacle. Mr. Goebbels appears to be unconcerned with the challenges before them. In a private interview Mr. Goebbels was emphatic on one thing: "If you say it often enough, people will believe it, even when faced with mountains of contradicting evidence."

Remember, "GOD LOVES YOU!"