By Bill J

I read some of the emails allegedly written by the Governor Sanford and his girlfriend from Argentina. A few sentences stood out to me as I read thru them. Gov. Sanford speaks of an emotional bank account full of love. I remember someone else who used this term back when I was a Christian. It got me thinking, is there such thing as a bank account of love? What is love in this context?

Is love a feeling? Is love a commitment? Is love grace, mercy, empathy or unconditional acceptance? Love in the English language simply means a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. Among other definitions it means sexual affection and intercourse or simply a term of endearment never implying any sex or physical attraction.

Love is a complex issue and one that seems unique to the individual because it is based on their motivations. When we do anything, even love someone, we draw from whatever is stored in our minds and what is stored in our mind is a catalog of information and facts based on our education, experiences and self knowledge. It is these items that form our beliefs about love and consequently our feelings, motivations and eventually our actions, behaviors and attitude.

When we say I love you, what are we saying? In reality, meaning the day to day meanderings of your average person, saying I love you probably means you are important to me even if I don't feel anything so intense as sexual attraction, physical desire or I'm ready to throw myself under a bus for you. It probably is a simply expression of endearment that let you know you are not alone. When you are feeling attraction coupled with trust, I love you probably means I want you to know how good you make me feel. When you are in the middle of passionate sex with someone you trust and are attracted to, it probably means keep going because this feels really good.

How do we really love someone? I Corinthians 13, which is a letter written presumably by the Apostle Paul, tells us many attributes of love from his point of view. The list states that love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.


Please don’t blame divorce on a lack of morals or an evil selfish society lacking in a god. Divorce among Christians is far higher than among atheists. I think this is a good list detailing love, but honestly, these are actions and not feelings or at least the absence of certain emotions like envy, and pride or being easily angered. So in retrospect, the author of this letter is telling us that love is prohibiting certain emotions and acting out behaviors like kindness, trusting, protecting, and persevering.

We can learn just as much by what a person doesn't say as by what they do say. The writer never says love is a feeling of sexual desire or physical attraction. The writer never says love is getting married or having children. The writer never says love isn't possible with more than one person. The writer never says jealousy is a part of love. This last one is ironic considering God is a jealous god, according to ancient Jewish writers (the penalty for straying from God in those days was death). Is jealousy a good or positive emotion in any relationship? In essence, love as defined by this Biblical writer, is mostly, if not entirely, about actions and behaviors or the lack of some of them.

I have to agree with this writer. I find meaningful love to be an attitude, which translates into certain actions and behaviors that facilitate good will toward people or a person. Can everyone love according to this definition? Can a psychopath love according to this definition? Can a mentally ill person or low functioning person love? You be the judge.

If love is the greatest of all commandments, as is attributed to Jesus, then some people can't love because of mental or organic birth defects and some people, meaning psychopaths can love even if they feel no emotion like affection, remorse, empathy or guilt. Do you need emotions to love someone? If so, what happens when those emotions cease to exist in a relationship?

As I am sure that you know, emotions come and go and sometimes for no discernible reason. Do we always feel positive emotions toward people in our lives? Is it possible that positives feelings simply are not love, but the byproduct of our thoughts, and beliefs? Seems to me that love is an attitude created by our beliefs and thoughts and these translate into behavior.

Having an affair isn’t about love in my opinion as much as it is about capturing emotions that make us feel good or escaping boredom, and/or depression. Falling in love isn’t about noble values as much as it is about being physically and sexually attracted to someone. Jealousy isn’t about love as much as it is about fear and insecurity. Sex isn’t about love as much as it is about the feel good chemicals that release in our brain from sexual stimulation and orgasm. We all remember those first pangs of attraction and desire. They are powerfully good feelings and sex can feel similar to them. The best sex, in my opinion, happens between two people who trust one another.

When feelings of good will or emotional attraction no longer exist in a relationship it can usually be boiled down to our thoughts. Sometimes mental issues like organic depression take away feelings, but mostly our belief and/or thinking, is the cause of our diminished feelings. Sexual attraction or just being horny has as much to do with biological cues that seem to be motivated by visual attraction to body shapes, contours and the subtle exposure of those body parts, and of course facial characteristics. Yes, I know, women are often aroused by more than visual stimulation; however studies show that women respond just as much if not more, to visual signs as do men. For women, the next level is often more about the emotional connection which they seem to translate into trust and trust allows for a much deeper form of intimacy that men seem to be in short supply of.

Can you love someone who isn’t physically attractive to you? Can you love a partner who no longer can have sex with you because of a physical limitation? Do you need sex and sexual attraction to be happy, stay married or remain in a relationship? Is sex with someone other than your partner or spouse a deal breaker? If you could not longer have sex would you let your spouse or partner have sex with someone else even if they loved you and didn’t want to leave you? I think we need to ask ourselves these questions rather than stand for ideals and values that may not work.

Considering that about 60% of marriages fail in this country. What does that tell us about the state of commitment, marriage, and our ability to live up to these values? Please don’t blame divorce on a lack of morals or an evil selfish society lacking in a god. Divorce among Christians is far higher than among atheists. Muslims have a much lower divorce rate then Christians. The suicide rate among Muslim countries is also very low compared to the U.S. What does that tell you?

There are many biological components to attraction, bonding and mating. Many different types of chemicals are released during attraction, sex and touch. These chemicals are powerful in that they shape our thinking and influence our feelings. The research shows that it takes about 18 months for all those chemicals to subside and go back to normal levels. In the mean time, who you bonded with, moved in with or married may not be your ideal mate. Unfortunately many people, under the influence of attraction and sex chemicals, didn’t really pay attention to the aspects of their partner that bothered them. Sometimes it’s too late to back out and people stay together often out of responsibility or practicality rather than mutual trust, values, attraction and respect. The love is gone so to speak. Those feelings of lust and sensuality may never come back if there isn’t a deeper connection then those initial chemical markers released during the honeymoon period.

In reading Governor Sanford’s alleged emails to his girlfriend, I see some of the same issues that plague us all. He is stressed, unhappy (even though he has much and attained much), middle aged and wondering if he will ever feel those powerful feelings of sexual attraction again i.e. love. Governor Sandford forcefully abandoned principles and values that he espouses just to be with his girlfriend even to the point of leaving his wife and children on Fathers Day. His actions should tell us something about how powerful attraction is.

I think we all long to feel overwhelmed with those powerful feelings of attraction and sexual desire. They make us happy and pleasure is what motivates the human race according to Freud. We all hope to be unconditionally loved and made to feel secure, but we know that no relationship is perfect simply because we are not perfect. Love is not a feeling of attraction, sexual satisfaction or simply a commitment to some moralistic value system. Neither is love simply a choice. I certainly don't want someone saying they love me simply because they choose to. It's as if choosing to be nice is another word for love. If that were the case wars would cease, divorce would never happen and sex would be boring. Love is as much about an attitude of the mind that respects both oneself and others.

Love is about being honest, secure with simply being yourself, emotionally transparent with people you trust, authentic, kind, open minded, gentle, compassionate, empathetic, reasonable, not giving up and always treating people as you yourself would wish to be treated. It is about reaching deep down and finding what really matters and forgetting about trying to possess another or control them to simply make your life feel safer or secure. In my opinion, we don’t need a back account of love collected by good deeds, we are better off being true to ourselves and authentic with others.

Bill J.

By Neal Stone

Image via Wikipedia

You've probably have heard the term “Crying Wolf” before. Here is the origin of that term. It is an old Aesop fable. One of my favorites.

“A bored Shepard boy who entertained himself by calling out “Wolf!". Nearby villagers who came to his rescue found that the alarms were false and that they had wasted their time. When the boy was actually confronted by a wolf, the villagers did not believe his cries for help and the wolf ate the flock.”

I have met Christians who have claimed how things will change or we are going to make changes and then swing back to the old ways. I have also met some who always proclaim some prophecy only to have it not come true over and over.

I one had a room-mate who was always bragging about himself around the church regarding his supposedly high IQ, or he would come across some new way to change your life, he being right and you being wrong. If you disagreed with him (which he couldn't handle) he'd accuse you of being judgmental. Sound like any Christians you know?

My step-dad was king of the “Cry Wolf “ crowd. The pastor would preach some sermon against TV and boom... the TV would get unplugged, but eventually we would have it back again. Or even worse, the pastor would preach some convicting sermon and my step-dad would come home and say there were going to be changes and would look straight at me. Funny how he never felt the need to make changes to himself, but was ready to make the rest of us make changes.

Then I had Christians friends (when I was in church) who would do something to really hurt my feelings, then apologize and promise to change only to go back to the old ways. This is one reason I attach rules to friendship, you hold me back and tare me down, you get let go.

Then there were the endless promises of how things were gonna change in the church and get better. Or maybe if i prayed more, read my Buybull more and gave more to the church, I would be healed, or find that right job or some oterh open ended promise.

How many times do we have to hear Jesus is coming back and the signs of the times are upon us. Most of the signs are just cold calling. Come one, war and rumors of wars! When was that NOT an issue? Earthquakes are increasing in number and intensity. Really? Not according the US Geological Survey which states there have been consistent in number in the past century AND earthquakes 7.0 and above are DECREASING in number. Even now my parents are still preaching that Jesus is coming and the time is soon.

So many times have I heard Christians and Christian leaders proclaim some prophecy or promise from God only to have nothing happen. Christians are the kings of promises. Whether from god or from them about how things will change/get better and so on.

Just have faith. Believe in God. He will answer. Only God knows. God works in strange...WOLF, WOLF!!!!

I get so tired of hearing it all, Jesus coming, God is working somewhere in someone's life, if you just pray/read/serve God will answer your prayer/work in your life.

After 23 years of this, I have had enough. I am so glad I turned away from it all years ago. If you have read my past posts you will know how much better my life is as a result.

My life is now built on logic and evidence based living. Today my life IS changed and things ARE better! Why? Because I stopped crying wolf and stopped listening to those wh still cry wolf. I made a decision to get rid of silly religious garbage and clean up my life for the better.

Today I am a better person and the wolf is dead!

By E Chamberlain MD, San Diego CA

Well, it's finally happened, after praying for it for so long. God has revealed to me ways to tell if he exists. (I guess he wants me back.)

Here's one way to tell if god is real-- If god died tomorrow, how would you know? How could you tell? Would you just wonder why he hadn't shown up for work? Would you look around in church and wonder, 'Where is he?' Would you begin to be concerned because he hadn't returned your call? Would Christian Science Monitor newspapers begin to pile up somewhere? Or would we notice after a season that tornadoes, hurricanes, and earthquakes oddly didn't happen this year? Or would they increase? Would the reports of miracle healings and speaking in tongues die down? Would those able to speak in tongues no longer be able to read and write in tongues? Would people keep sneezing incessantly even after we said 'God bless you'? Would food taste funny after we said grace? Would Christians who'd previously been empowered by god's word and holy spirit now be publicly seen to commit sins such as rape and abuse of minors, televangelism extortion, and adultery? Would the amazing inspired Sunday sermons across our land become redundant and boring and stop being so compelling and convincing? Would lightning bolts stop flashing and thunder be silenced even though some pagan takes the lord's name in vain? Would unicorns and giants suddenly become extinct? Would devoted leaders like Pat Robertson and Jerry Fallwell lose their way and start saying indefensibly stupid things? Would the bible stop making sense to us? Would god's holy word in the bible no longer be preserved and protected, now confusing everyone who reads it? Would the curse on snakes no longer be enforced so that they start walking standing up? Would childbirth no longer hurt? Would Christians no longer do miracles greater than Jesus himself did? If Christians ask, will it stop being given them? Will those Christians with the greatest faith ever no longer be able to move mountains? Will we have to put the mountains back where they were? Will people no longer be crippled by god as a punishment for sin?

Would you find that you're bitterly missing him?

For those of you who are more serious-minded and can't take me seriously here, see my epic "Day Eight" in the forums' creative works section here at exchristian.net for another consideration of the subject.

(The revelation was actually given to me in Greek and, when he noticed that I looked puzzled, he repeated it in King James English, because that's what he spake. Don't laugh. Have you ever spoken to him like I have? Even though Jesus spoke Aramaic back then-- and not Hebrew or Greek-- God still wrote the first and original New Testament in Greek. So, to convince you, I've posted the Greek original version of last night's revelation here below also. Man, it sure looks official and important in Greek. Kinda like the bible does.)


Εδώ είναι μονόδρομος για να πει εάν ο Θεός είναι πραγματικός-- Εάν ο Θεός πέθανε αύριο, πώς θα ξέρατε; Πώς θα μπορούσατε να πείτε; Θα αναρωτιόσαστε ακριβώς γιατί αυτός hadn' τ που παρουσιάζεται για την εργασία; Θα κοιτάζατε γύρω στο churcha και θα αναρωτιόσαστε, ' Πού είναι; ' Θα αρχίζατε να έχετε σχέση επειδή αυτός hadn' το τ επέστρεψε την κλήση σας; Οι εφημερίδες της Christian Science Monitor θα άρχιζαν να συσσωρεύουν επάνω κάπου; Ή θα παρατηρούσαμε μετά από μια εποχή εκείνους τους ανεμοστροβίλους, τους τυφώνες, και τους σεισμούς παραδόξως didn' το τ συμβαίνει φέτος; Ή θα αυξάνονταν; Οι εκθέσεις των θεραπειών θαύματος και της ομιλίας στις γλώσσες θα πέθαιναν κάτω; Εκείνοι ικανοί να μιλήσουν στις γλώσσες να είναι σε θέση όχι άλλο να διαβάσει και να γράψει στις γλώσσες; Οι άνθρωποι θα συνέχιζαν διαρκώς ακόμα και αφού είπαμε ' Ο Θεός ευλογεί you' Τα τρόφιμα θα δοκίμαζαν αστεία αφότου είπαμε την επιείκεια; Χριστιανοί who' δ προηγουμένως εξουσιοδοτημένος από god' η λέξη του s και το ιερό πνεύμα τώρα βλέπουν δημόσια για να δεσμεύσουν τις αμαρτίες όπως ο βιασμός και η κακοποίηση των ανηλίκων, του εκβιασμοου televangelism, και της μοιχείας; Τα καταπληκτικά εμπνευσμένα κηρύγματα της Κυριακής πέρα από το έδαφός μας θα γίνονταν περιττά και τρυπώντας και θα σταματούσαν έτσι αναγκάζοντας και πειστικά; Λάμψη και βροντή στάσεων μπουλονιών αστραπής να κατασιγαστεί ακόμα κι αν κάποιος ειδωλολατρικός παίρνει το lord' όνομα του s μάταια; Οι μονόκεροι και οι γίγαντες θα γίνονταν ξαφνικά εκλείψες; Οι αφιερωμένοι ηγέτες όπως το Πατ Ρόμπερτσον και Γερμανό στρατιωτικό Fallwell θα έχαναν τον τρόπο τους και θα άρχιζαν indefensibly τα ηλίθια πράγματα; Η Βίβλος θα σταματούσε νόημα για μας; God' η ιερή λέξη του s στη Βίβλο δεν συντηρείται πλέον και προστατεύεται, συγχέοντας τώρα η καθεμία που το διαβάζει; Η πληγή στα φίδια δεν θα επιβαλλόταν πλέον έτσι ώστε αρχίζουν να σταθούν επάνω; Ο τοκετός δεν θα έβλαπτε πλέον; Οι Χριστιανοί δεν θα έκαναν πλέον τα θαύματα μεγαλύτερα από τον Ιησού ο ίδιος να κάνουν; Εάν οι Χριστιανοί ρωτήσουν, θα σταματήσει δόσιμο τους; Εκείνοι οι Χριστιανοί με τη μέγιστη πίστη πάντα δεν θα είναι σε θέση πλέον να κινήσουν τα βουνά; Θα πρέπει να ξαναβάλουμε τα βουνά όπου ήταν; Οι άνθρωποι δεν θα ακρωτηριαστούν πλέον από το Θεό ως τιμωρία για την αμαρτία; Θα βρίσκατε εκείνο το you' επαν πικρά ελλείπων τον;